Growing up I always looked at my family as a burden. Divorced parents, single mother, and an only child. I never felt as if my family were “complete”. At the young age of 3 clueless and innocent, I didn’t know what the meaning of a divorce was. And as I grew older, I knew that my family was “different” from everyone else. Years went by and these feelings became normal, giving my fathers day cards and letters to my uncles and mom. But little did I know there was a void in my heart that was yearning to be filled. This is the cross I’ve been carrying.
Throughout my whole life I’ve been seeking. Seeking for answers to my questions to why God allowed this to happen in my life. Why do I feel so empty? So abandoned and so alone?
This whole time I’ve been seeking in the wrong places. I’ve been seeking for someone to be that fatherly figure I never had in my life growing up. Someone who I can lean on, trust, and someone who will protect me and teach me how to discipline my heart. As I grew up and understood why things happened, I’ve had a deep desire in my heart for God. A yearning for Him. And reflecting on it, God allowed this ‘void’ to happen in my life so I may find Him. So I can seek for Him because I need Him. The Lord is someone I can lean on and trust. He will protect me and teach me how to discipline my heart. He is all that I need. This whole time I’ve been searching for this void to be filled in the wrong places and in the wrong people. I was feeling abandoned and empty because I closed myself off from God when He has been calling me to be with Him this whole time. I’ve been able to open my heart to God praying for these answers and this void to be filled by Him alone. It brings me peace knowing that I have found the answers to all my questions. In God alone.
In Your arms I feel safe, my Father.
“With all my heart I’ll sing, for You, my Dad and King” – Tim Hughes